I don’t think I am love in with Johnny. The friends with benefits relationship we had for the last couple of months while we were both attending college in Ohio was temporary and I always knew that Johnny had a boyfriend. I like Johnny a lot but when the spring semester started I decided that it would be best if I kept my distance from Johnny.
As pre-veterinarian majors in our final semester at Columbus College, the focus is on getting accepted to veterinarian school. At the beginning of the fall semester we had applied to schools and later in the semester we had either been rejected or invited for an interview. The interviews were at the beginning of the spring semester and now we are starting to find out if we are accepted.
I had decided quite some time ago that I did not want to go to graduate school at Louisiana State. My parents have a large veterinary practice in Baton Rouge and I need to get out on my own, so I thought it would be best to go elsewhere. During the interview process I had decided University of Florida was my first choice and I recently received my acceptance letter.
A few weeks earlier Johnny had been notified that she got into LSU which was where she wanted to go. The next time I saw Johnny, I had given her a hug and congratulated her. I know how much it means to her. Johnny asked me if we could talk. We got a table at the student union.
Johnny said she just wanted to see how I was doing.
“I am doing good. I know you must be thrilled.’
“I am. Are we all right?’
“I hope your being honest.’
“It is a little weird seeing you after Ohio.’
“I know it was like you were my boyfriend no matter how many times we said we were just friends with benefits.’
“Even if we don’t hang out much anymore, I want you to know I think you are incredible and I have some great memories from Ohio. I also think you will make a great vet and I will always be rooting for you.’
“You make it hard to get to know you, but I am so glad that we eventually did become friends and whatever else we were. You will make some girl very lucky.’
We hugged and went our separate ways.
May 2010 Johnny Beckham
Today is graduation day and I have never felt prouder. Since being a little girl I always wanted to be a vet and here I am graduating college as a pre-veterinarian major with grades good enough to get into graduate school. When I was younger and said I wanted to be a vet, I always got the feeling that family, friends and teachers thought it was unrealistic for me. I did not even have pets growing up.
My mother had met my father in college and became a homemaker raising my brothers and I. She never worked outside of the home. I do not want to be like my mother. I want to eventually have a family but now I am focused on my career. Hugh and I are not formally engaged but we have talked about our future quite a bit. We are going to get married when I finish vet school in four years and then we will try to have a baby a few years later, after I have settled into a vet practice.
Hugh, my parents, my two brothers and their families have come to the graduation. It is a beautiful, sunny day. There are still a lot of repairs happening on the campus of Columbus College as a result of damage from Katrina so the graduation ceremony is somewhat subdued.
After the graduation ceremony a lot of people are outside taking pictures when Lizzie calls me over. She has Ryan and Elliott with her and wants to get a picture of the four of us that lived together during that crazy fall semester at Paul Revere College in Ohio. The four of us pose while our friends and family take pictures and then introductions are made. I couldn’t help thinking if only our loved ones knew what happened when we were living together. It felt so odd to see Hugh and Ryan shake hands.
When I meet Ryan’s mother she asks me where I am going to grad school and when I say LSU she and I end up talking for awhile. I really like Ryan’s mother and am pleased when we exchange contact information and she offers to help me while I am at LSU. I know Dr Anderson is a very well respected veterinarian and that she will be a good person to know.
November 2010 Dr Helen Anderson
When I first met Johnny after the the graduation ceremony, I felt an instant connection. I am reminded so much of myself. Like me way back when, I get the impression that Johnny is incredibly motivated to prove that she is more than a southern belle.
I spoke to Johnny several times over the summer and prior to her arriving at LSU to begin grad school for the fall semester. I have agreed to be a mentor to Johnny. In addition, she is working a few hours a week in our office. As I got to know Johnny more, I was pleased that my initial impressions are confirmed.
On an unrelated note, I know that Johnny has a boyfriend but I have a feeling that there was something between Johnny and Ryan at some point. It is too bad that it apparently did not work out because going out with someone like Johnny would be very good for Ryan.
November 2010 Johnny
I am in the bathroom with my hands trembling as I look at the pink of the pregnancy test. I cannot believe this is happening.
Several weeks before, after I had been doing school work from early in the morning to late at night for quite some time, I decided on the spur of the moment on a Friday that I needed a break. I called Hugh who was also working crazy hours and we ended up getting a hotel room late at night midway between New Orleans and Baton Rouge.
We had several drinks at the hotel bar before going to our room. As busy as I have been with school work, I had not been as regular with taking the pill as I should have been. Hugh forgot to bring condoms and in our tired and drunken state, we were careless and he did not pull out when he came. The rest of the weekend I could not believe how stupid we were and I was a little worried but figured it was only one time and that we should be all right. By Monday I was focused on school and did not think much about it until I was late which I was hoping was just related to stress.
December 2010 email exchange between Johnny and Dr Anderson
Dear Dr. Anderson,
I received some very difficult news recently that I need to talk to you about. This is very emotional for me and l thought it was better to do this through e-mail. I hope that you will respect my decision and will be discrete about this matter.
Last month I found out that I was pregnant . You may have noticed that I was distracted towards the end of the semester and this is why. Obviously this was not planned. After much thought I have decided to have the baby and my boyfriend, Hugh and I are getting married.
If my semester in grad school taught me anything, it is that I must be completely focused on school in order to succeed. With a baby I will not be in a position to be completely focused for quite some time. Therefore, it is with much regret that I will not be continuing in the vet program at LSU.
i would like to thank you for everything you have done for me. I can’t tell you how much I admire you and I am sorry that I am letting you down.
I know that this was a deeply personal decision for you and I respect what you have decided. Being a mother is also a very important and wonderful endeavor and I am sure you will be a great mother. You are most certainly not letting me down.
I have attached a letter of recommendation that you may use in the future. I know that you are not focused on this now, but for the future keep in mind that there are many vet students who take a non-traditional path to completing their schooling.
Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help either now or in future.
January 2007 Johnny McConaughey
Supposedly every little girl dreams of their wedding and imagines a perfect wedding. However, my wedding day ended with me crying in the bathroom. Things seemed to change for me and Hugh the moment that I found out I was pregnant. I have found that Hugh does not deal well with the unexpected.
It took a lot of discussion when we found out I was pregnant before we agreed that we would have the baby and get married. I became resentful because by dropping out of vet school I felt like I am making the biggest sacrifice but he was doing a lot of complaining about how this was not how we planned things to happen.
Since I found out I was pregnant I have been embarrassed about it and have avoided friends and the internet. We decided that we did not want a celebration and just got married by the justice of peace with only our family in attendance.
We did book a nice hotel and a romantic dinner. However, I felt like we were just going through the motions and like everything since I became pregnant it did not feel right.
February 2007 Ryan
I am working harder than I have ever worked, but things are going very well in Orlando. The decision to go to University of Florida was a good one for me. I like the vet program here and have fit in well.
My roommate Matt and I get along well. He is funny and outgoing. There is not much time to have a social life with all the school work. However, once in a while we have some fun. My days of playing video games are mostly in the past at least for now. Whether it was my experience with Johnny or my friendship with Matt,who is always the life of the party, I am no longer nearly as shy as I used to be and I am a lot more confident. The girls here in Orlando are incredible and when we do go out I am usually pretty successful in picking girls up. I don’t have the time to have a girlfriend now, but going out and having random hookups are perfect for me.
July 2007 Johnny
After eighteen hours in labor, Liam was born last week. The love and feeling of responsibility is even more than I realized. It is like Liam, Hugh and I are totally separated from the the rest of the world and while we are sleep deprived, we are extremely happy. As Hugh and I got settled and moved into our house things between us improved. We both became excited as the due date became closer and got in the mode of becoming parents. While this was not how I imagined my life going, I am surprised with how happy and content I am.
December 2007 Ryan
I am lucky I did not get myself killed last night. After we finished the semester Matt, myself and a couple other guys from school went to a party in an off campus house before going home for the holidays. I met this hot redhead named Mandy when a bunch of us were playing quarters.
By the time the party broke up around 3 AM we were all pretty hammered. Mandy and I had been making out and she invited me back to her place. She lived a few blocks from the party. We went to her bedroom and immediately began taking off each other clothes. I had my face in Mandy’s bald wet pussy, when someone started banging on her door and said in a deep voice
“Mandy, open this fucking door.’
Mandy quietly said “Oh Shit.’ opened her window and told me to jump out and run. I figured that it was best to do what she said. However, as soon as I started to run, I realized the guy was right on my heels. It did not take him long to catch me. The guy was enormous and obviously was on the football team. He punched me in the face and told me never to come near Mandy again. He then shoved me into a bush and left me. I stumbled home.
February 2018 Johnny
I am enjoying being a mother. Liam is my life now. He is a good and happy baby. Besides Hugh I don’t speak with anyone else from my life at Columbus College or LSU. My friends now are other young mothers from the neighborhood. There are five of us that are first time, stay at home mothers with kids all around six months old. They are all older than I am but two of them are close to my age. We go for walks together with our babies or hang out at one of our houses.
I think things are good with Hugh and I. He still works a lot of hours and sometimes I hardly see him. However, when he is home we get along well and we seem like a loving family. I am fortunate that he is good provider. We live in a nice neighborhood and I am able to stay home with Liam which is what I want to do for the time being.
March 2018 Ryan
Little did I know when Matt talked me into playing on a coed softball team with other students in the vet school that it would change my life. The first two games were surprisingly fun but uneventful.
The third game was against a team of grad students that were in the nursing school. It was a close game. We were losing by a run with two outs when I came up in the last Inning. I hit a single which got the tying run to third base. Matt was up next and hit the ball between third and shortstop. The shortstop made a nice play to field the ball and threw to second base to try to get me out. It was a close play. The girl who was playing second base and I looked at the umpire who hesitated before calling me out. A couple of the players on my team who took it more seriously, argued that I was safe.
There was a bar that most of the players for both teams went to after the game. The girl who was the second basemen for the other team came up to me, smiled and said,
“Honestly I think you were safe.’
“Either way it is not the end of the world’
“By the way my name is Minka.’
“I am Ryan.’
Minka was cute rather than traditionally beautiful. She had short strawberry blonde hair, big bright blue eyes, with freckles on her nose and a thin athletic body. Her smile lit up the room. We talked for a while, primarily going over our backgrounds. I am surprised to find that she is actually several years older than me. She worked as a nurse for a couple years and went back to school to get an advanced degree specializing in pediatrics.
The softball game was three weeks ago. Minka and I have been out four times. I have never had feelings for a girl like I have for Minka and we have not even had had sex yet. Minka is a special person that does a lot of volunteer work at a free clinic and a soup kitchen. She is the type of person that brings out the best in people and I definitely see things getting serious with us.
July 2018 Johnny
I am just about to change Liam’s diaper when the phone rings. I consider not answering it, but I pick it up.
“Hi. Can I speak to Johnny McConaughey? ‘
“This is Johnny.’
“Is your husband Hugh McConaughey?’
“Yes. What is this about?’
Hi my name is Vince Biel. My wife Scarlett works with your husband and according to my private investigator they have been having an affair for at least the three months.’
I am very sorry to bring you this news, but I thought you should know.’
I am in shock as I think about this for about 30 seconds and than I just hang up the phone. After thinking about it all afternoon I feel a little better. I remember what Ryan and I did during our senior year and realize I cannot be all high and mighty about this . While I am not happy about what Hugh has done, I figure it is something we can overcome. I realize that with Liam perhaps I have not been as attentive to Hugh as I should have been. We will need to go to marriage counseling but I convince myself we can work through it.
When Hugh comes home in the evening around 9 PM, I tell him we need to talk. First he wants to eat dinner and then play with Liam for a while. When he is playing with Liam I cannot wait any longer.
“Do you know Scarlett Biel.’
I see a look of surprise on Hugh’s face but what he tells me hurts more than anything that I have every experienced. He is in love with this Scarlett and is planning to leave me to be with her. He keeps saying he is sorry . When I ask what about Liam. Hugh says that he will support him. He says he did not plan for this to happen but it did. Hugh packs a suitcase and leaves and just like that my marriage is over.
August 2018 Ryan
Over the summer we met each others families. Minka is very close with her twin sister Molly who is a lawyer in New York. Her parents are blue collar and conservative, very different from mine. I was nervous when I met her family but they were very welcoming. Molly and her husband, Sam already treat me like family.
Sex with Minka is terrific. From when I first met Minka, it took about a month for us to have sex. Despite being older than me, Minka was somewhat inexperienced in bed. However, once we started fucking we could not keep our hands off each other. We have become adventurous and Minka is open to try anything.
Last week we took a long weekend and drove to Miami. Since Minka did not get off work until 10 PM we drove at night. There were not many cars on the road. I was driving and was very surprised when suddenly Minka pulled down my shorts and gave me a hand job. It set the tone for it being a wild trip where we did things we would not typically do.
At about 2 AM we took a break to eat at a fast food restaurant in Cocoa Beach. The restaurant was right next to the beach. After we ate Minka dared me to take off my clothes and run in the ocean. I said I would do it if she would. Minka said it was a deal. We got towels and walked to the deserted beach and started undressing. I looked at her when I was down to my underwear to make sure we were going to go through it before pulling down my drawers. I ran into the ocean and Minka was right behind me. It was quite the adrenaline rush although there was no one else there. We ended up staying in the ocean for about fifteen minutes. Since no one else was around I brought Minka to me and we started kissing. Eventually we ended up going to the shallow part of the ocean and started fucking. The danger of doing this outside added to the excitement and we both came quickly. We ended up hanging out on the beach for awhile before getting dressed and going back to the car.
We were having a fun trip and on our last day we were planning to go to the beach. That morning when I got out of the shower, Minka showed me a website and asked if I wanted to try out this beach. It was a nude beach north of Miami called Haulover Beach. I said sure and teased her about turning into an exhibitionist. When we got to the beach we found that we were quite a bit younger than most of the other beach goers and about seventy percent were men. That did not stop Minka who seemed to enjoy the attention that she got when she was naked. This new and surprising side of Minka made me realize how perfect a match she is for me because I also have a secret wild side.
November 2018 Johnny
I closed today on a townhouse near my parent’s house. Liam and I lived with my parents after Hugh left me. I did not want to stay in our house because I could not face my friends in the neighborhood. Hugh and the girl that he replaced me with live in our old house. Hugh is very generous with child support and alimony but I have been disappointed with how he has lost interest in Liam.
I cannot believe what has happened to me since college. My plans were to go to vet school and then marry Hugh and I am now a single mother that does not work. I am disappointed and embarrassed about this to the the point where I really don’t want to have any interaction with anyone other than Liam. In high school and college I used to have so many friends and now I want to have nothing to do with anyone . My parents are concerned about my mental state and I have started to see a therapist.
I sometimes wonder what Minka sees in me. However, she seems to be just as in to me as am in to her. Everything about Minka is perfect. She has this positive energy that is contagious. I think about Minka constantly.
Things have moved very quickly with Minka and I. We moved in together at the start of the fall semester. I just bought an engagement ring and I am planning to pop the question at Christmas. Minka would like a big family and I can envision a life for us in the future with a big house out in the country with a lot of kids and successful careers. It is a happy life and seems well within reach.
April 2019 Johnny
Today I received a wedding invitation for myself and Hugh to attend Ryan’s wedding. I will send a gift and say that I sorry but that we cannot attend.
A few months ago on a whim I had called Ryan. Of all my friends from Columbus College, I felt like Ryan would be the least judgmental and with everything that has happened, I think of our time in Massachusetts as the last of my youth when my all dreams were alive and Ryan was a big part of that.
Ryan was surprised and seemed happy to hear from me. He knew I had a baby and was no longer in vet school. However, he did not know that Hugh and I were separated. And I could not bring myself to tell him.
It was apparent that Ryan had matured a lot from the shy boy that I first met and even from the guy I knew at Paul Revere College. He was very happy with his life and in love with his fiance. Several times I heard her laughing in the background. I felt like I was interrupting them and after a while I said that I needed to go and said goodbye.
Part of me is happy for Ryan who I genuinely grew to like and care about. However, there is a part of me that is jealous that everything is going Ryan’s way while my dreams have fallen apart. I knew that it was immature and unhealthy but I can not help it.
June 2019 Ryan
Minka and I are on our honeymoon in St Lucia after getting married last week in her hometown of Orlando . Like everything about my life since meeting Minka, the wedding was magical. It was in a country club and we had about two hundred guests. Minka’s family is much bigger than mine but our families got along from well. Minka’s twin sister, Molly was the matron of honor and Matt was my best man. It was a very festive and happy atmosphere.
Minka and I each have one more year of school and then we join the working world. We are planning to settle somewhere between Jacksonville and Orlando after school. Since we would like a big family we do not plan to waste much time before getting started.
August 2019 Johnny Beckham
Shortly after we moved into our townhouse, we met a precocious seven year old girl named Faith and her mother Rebecca. Faith liked to entertain Liam who was about a year and a half at the time. They live in a townhouse three houses down from us. At first Rebecca and I would just do the friendly neighborly thing but nothing more. Rebecca was also a single mother who I would guess is a few years older than me. She seems to be somewhat private.
However, in February Rebecca knocked on my door and asked if I could do a favor for her and watch Faith while she worked one day. I said sure and Faith , Liam and I had a very pleasant day. I told Rebecca that it was no problem and I would do it anytime. Rebecca said she was having problems finding a permanent sitter. I am not sure what Rebecca does for a living but she needs someone that is flexible because she works all different hours. Since I did not have much a life I said I would be happy to watch Faith until she found someone permanent. We agreed on a weekly price.
Faith is an extremely well behaved and an easy kid to watch. She is very helpful with Liam who really likes Faith. The arrangement worked out well and after a month I told Rebecca I would be happy to do it permanently. Rebecca was thrilled and suggested that I consider getting my daycare license and taking on more kids.
I ended up getting my day care license and I am now watching four kids (including an infant) in addition to Liam and Faith. My parents who have been after me to do something are pleased and I am pretty happy doing daycare. I seem to enjoy being around kids more than adults at this point in my life. Last month my divorce was finalized.
January 2010 Ryan
I have been interning at an animal hospital during the winter break. It is very intense since most of the cases involve major health issues. I was incredibly busy yesterday. Minka had texted me earlier in the day and said she had something to discuss with me. However,when I called her she said she wanted to talk in person. I told her I was not sure what time I would be home, but she said that she would wait up. Typically I might have wondered what it was that was so important. However, I was so busy that I did not have time to think about it.
I worked for eighteen hours and did not come home until after midnight. Minka was already sleeping so I figured it could wait until morning. At 3:37 in the morning Minka nudged me and said,
“Why didn’t you wake me when you got home?
“You were sleeping and I didn’t want to disturb you.”
“I got some important news.”
I turned over to face Minka.
“We are going to have a baby!”
I smiled, turned on the light and gave Minka a long kiss. Minka says she just took a pregnancy test this morning and thinks that she is due in August. She could not wait to tell me and it was driving her crazy all day that I was unavailable. I never went back to sleep and made it through another long day with less than two hours sleep on the excitement of starting our family.
March 2010 Johnny
Rebecca and I have started to become good friends. She is twenty five years old which is actually a year younger than I am. Rebecca has had a difficult life. She ran away when she was sixteen from an abusive home and had Faith. She started working at a Customer Service Rep answering phone calls and was quickly promoted to a management position. Rebecca makes decent money and she is very good at saving money. She was able to buy her townhouse on her own and is more than half way towards getting a degree in information technology. Rebecca is determined to provide a better childhood for Faith than she had. The more I have gotten to know Rebecca the more I respect her. She has her shit together far more than I do.
May 2010 Ryan
Tomorrow I will gradate from vet school. Minka’s graduation ceremony was today. She is five months pregnant and everything is going well. We are having a boy which we decided to name Logan.
We both have gotten jobs in Sanford, Florida which is about thirty miles from Orlando. With our parents help with the down payment, we are buying our home.
September 2010 Ryan
Minka gave birth to Logan last week. The delivery went smoothly and Logan is a healthy boy. When I held Logan for the first time I knew my life was never going to be the same.
Minka has been incredibly stressed out with Logan and making sure everything is perfect for him. Obviously this is a huge period of adjustment for us and I am just trying to be supportive.
My job at the vet practice is going well. It is faced paced and I see a number of patients every day. Virtually all he patients are dogs or cats. I work a lot of hours and was only able to take a week off when Logan was born. I need to go back to work tomorrow which Minka is not happy about.
March 2011 Johnny
Liam inherited my love for animals. One of first things he said when he was a baby was dddd every time he saw a dog. So when we moved into the townhouse we went to the animal shelter and got a dog. Renny is a kind hearted beagle mix. A few months later we decided Rennie was lonely and needed a companion so we got Elmo who is a jack russell terrier. A few months ago we decided to get two cats named Bert and Ernie. So now the house is filled with animals but we both love them. It has also made me realize that I want to work with animals. I have decided once Liam starts school I will get a job in a vet office as a technician. This will involve taking some additional classes.
October 2011 Johnny
It is funny that with all the time and money (mostly my parents) that I spent on therapy, I think my friendship with Rebecca has helped me finally start to become myself again.
Rebecca has read every self help book ever published and she is always giving me advice using her favorite sayings. Some of her favorites include
“You have to deal with the cards that you are dealt.”
“It is time to put your big girl thongs on.”
“Life is a journey, not a destination.”
As corny as her sayings are, the combination of hearing her say them enough and the fact that she has overcome much more than me has motivated me. Rebecca got her degree and is now working at a job with a more steady schedule.
One change was my interest in sex. Since Hugh left me more than three years ago I not only had not had sex with anyone, I rarely thought about it. Now suddenly I have started to masturbate a couple times a week. I already had a few sex toys which had been collecting dust and I ordered a rabbit and bullet vibrator as well as a couple dildos. I figured that I needed to try a bunch of them to see which I liked better.
Recently Rebecca and I had started to look at online dating. So far what I have found is that it is more fun reading the guys profiles than the dating. I have gone on a couple dates but they have not gone well. There is a desperation to the process that is depressing. However, Rebecca met someone named Jerry that she likes.
September 2012 Johnny
I now have a fuck buddy. His name is Victor. We met at the gym that I started to attend. Victor is twenty four, he is a fitness instructor and he is in tremendous shape.
I have had a couple of different lovers that I met online in the last year. However, for the most part the men that I met online were disappointing. I have not met anyone that I thought was relationship material and eventually I decided that while I was interested in male companionship, at this time I was not looking for a boyfriend.
When I signed up for the gym I received a couple of free lessons with an instructor and that is how I met Victor. After my first lesson he asked if I wanted to go out to dinner with him on Saturday. I agreed and had Liam sleep over my parent’s house. At the dinner I found that we had nothing in common but when he asked if I wanted to go back to his place I said all right. It felt good that a younger attractive man found me desirable and he looks like an abercrombie and fitch model. When we got back to Victor’s place he wasted little time putting his hands underneath my clothes so I put my hand in his shorts and felt the thickest penis I ever touched. The sex is amazing. In fact I have told Victor that he should be a porn star.
Victor typically comes over my place after Liam is asleep on Sundays and Wednesdays. Unlike Ryan who was at least a friend, I am not even sure I would call Victor that. He knows I have a son but has never asked about him. In fact it is amazing how little we talk about anything but sex and fitness.
December 2013 Johnny
Today is Christmas. It is hard to believe that Liam is six going on seven. He is growing up so quickly and I love him so much. Liam is in first grade. He is a happy, smart, outgoing child. There is a part of me that is so proud of him and there is another part of me that is sad that he growing up so quickly and is no longer as dependent on me as he once was.
Liam and I open presents at home in the morning. I got him a xbox which I probably should of waited to give to him because he wants to stay home and play with it all day. However, we go over Rebecca and her new husband, Jerry’s place and exchange presents with them before going to my parents for Christmas dinner.
After about six months with the boy toy, Victor I decided that while it was fun, I should try to have a more conventional relationship so we stopped seeing each other.
A couple months later I met Richard on a dating website . Richard is in his mid thirties and is a mechanical engineer. Richard seems like the perfect guy and Rebecca thinks I am crazy for being hesitant. He is attractive and really likes me. It is clear that he wants to become serious. However, for reasons that I cannot really explain, I just do not feel that way about him. From the beginning he has wanted to meet Liam and be involved with him. I have made excuses. The truth is that I do not want to confuse Liam by introducing him to a boyfriend unless it is someone that I know the relationship is going to last and I don’t feel like that with Richard.
January 2017 Johnny
I had been taking some courses so that I will be qualified to get a job as a vet technician. The classes were easy and things came back to me quickly. This month I passed the certification exam and I am now looking for a good opportunity that would fit in with Liam’s schedule. I have been e-mailing with Dr. Anderson, who recommended me to a vet practice nearby. I have an interview with them next week.
Dr. Anderson said something cryptic about Ryan. Apparently something happened to him and she assumes that I know about it. Dr. Anderson said that he is doing better. I have not talked to Ryan in several years and would like to contact him and see what is going on but I am not sure what to say and I have been putting it off.
March 2017 Ryan
Today is a nice spring day and Logan I are going to the LSU baseball game because today is superhero day and Logan loves his superheroes. When we arrive at the stadium I am surprised how poor the superhero event is. The costumes are cheap and the people in the costumes do not look the part. Robin is not supposed to be taller than Batman. However, Logan does not seem to mind and was thrilled to get his picture taken with Captain America.
We are now in line to get his picture taken with Iron Man. There are about ten people in front of us. I am holding Logan on my shoulder and he is talking to the mother in line behind us who is asking him his name and how old he is. I am half paying attention when I realize that the ladies voice is familiar. I turn around and see Johnny.
Johnny is with a boy who is several years older than Logan that I assume is her son. She is wearing small denim shorts and a LSU shirt and is just as petite and pretty as she was back in the day. Her ass looks great in those shorts and I think that my therapist would be happy that I am lusting after a hottie like a normal person. Life was so much fun and simple was when we were at Paul Revere College.
We smile at each other and both ask how the other is doing at the same time. Johnny says she is doing good and I say that I am all right.
Johnny says this is her son Liam and tells him that I am an old friend. Liam shakes my hand and asks if we knew each other when we were kids. Johnny says we went to college together. I introduce Johnny to Logan and she smiles and says they already met.
I ask Johnny about Hugh.
“He is actually separated from his second wife. We have been divorced for years.”
“I am sorry to hear that.”
“It was a long time ago. How is Minka?”
I flinch and look away. It has been three years and I am in a much better place now than I have been. However, it is so fucking awkward. No one knows what to say. I am surprised that Johnny does not know. I can only hope she does not ask what happened.
“Minka passed away when Logan was a baby”
I can see the look of shock and sympathy in Johnny’s eyes. However, she does not say anything more about it.
“When it happened I knew that I needed help with Logan so I moved back to Baton Rouge and bought a small house near my parents. I became a partner in their vet practice and my parents cut back their hours so one of us is always available to watch Logan. It has been a good arrangement for us.”
We end up staying with Johnny and Liam as the kids get their pictures taken with the superheroes. When we are at Spiderman’s booth the woman behind us volunteers to take a picture of all of us with Spidey. She no doubt thinks we are a family and we shrug and let her take a picture of the four of us and Spiderman with each of our phones.
In the last year I have hooked up with several woman. However, other than sex I have not had any interest in woman since Minka. Perhaps it is because Johnny and I have a positive history, that she looks incredible or that she is so terrific with Logan, but I suddenly have a desire to be with Johnny. It turns out that Johnny lives about 30 miles from me near where she grew up. She says she has been in touch with my mother recently which is surprising because mom had not said anything.
We watch the game together. I end up staying for about five innings which is more than I intended. Johnny tells Liam how much I used to like video games and he talks to me non stop about his favorite games while Johnny entertains Logan who sits still much longer than he usually would. There is something so normal and healthy about the afternoon that I feel better than I have in a long time. I have butterflys in my stomach when I ask Johnny if she would like to go out for dinner on Saturday. I am thrilled when she says yes.
April 2017 Johnny
Ryan and I have gone out every weekend since meeting at the baseball game. We have gone out by ourselves a few times and a couple times with the kids. It is against my better judgment to have Liam get to know Ryan and I can see that they have already developed a bond. Ryan still has the most gorgeous green eyes I have ever seen and there is a passion that I have with Ryan that I never had with anyone except for Hugh. At the same time there is a lot of uncertainty about us. I do not even know if Ryan is ready to be in a serious relationship. I do not know what happened to Minka. He has not brought it up and I am afraid to ask.
The first time we went out for dinner when it was just the two of us, we went to a country seafood place where we ate outside on the patio. It started out as a fun relaxing evening. The food was really good and we had been drinking and reminiscing and having a good time. I had too much to drink and was thinking back to when we were college and how I was so sure that Hugh was the guy I wanted to marry that I never thought of Ryan as anything more than a fuck buddy while I was in Massachusetts and I started talking about Hugh much more than I intended.
“I cannot believe how wrong I was about Hugh. I used to think he was the perfect guy. It is one thing that he cheated on me. It some ways it was karma after what we did.”
“You weren’t married then.”
“True, but I can deal with the cheating and even that the marriage did not work out. What makes Hugh fucking scum is how he has treated Liam. When the marriage ended, he lost all interest in Liam. He is such a good kid and he deserves better from his dad. Liam is nothing but a financial obligation to Hugh. He always pays his child support without issue but has no interest in being his father. Who treats their own kid like that? I feel so fucking stupid for thinking Hugh was a good man. It really destroyed my faith in people for a long time. ls my judgment that bad?”
By now there were tears in my eyes. Ryan held my hand and said that having the benefit of hindsight after the fact, in a lot of cases does not do anything but keep you up at night.
I smiled and said,
“You sound like some of the the therapist I’ve seen.”
He looks away like he always does when he is about to say something revealing and says,
“I have seen my share of therapists as well since Minka died.”.
I tell him how my friend Rebecca is better than any therapist and a lot cheaper. This is the only time he has brought up Minka. I am very embarrassed about the whole outburst, but Ryan does not seem fazed by it.
I cannot believe how fucked up I still am. No matter how much I want to focus on the present with Johnny, I can’t seem to do it. It is a wonder that Johnny did not run away from me after last night.
We have been seeing each other for a couple months, but we had not have sex. I invited Johnny over last night . Liam was spending the night with his grandparents and Logan was spending the weekend in New York with Molly and Sam. There was unspoken agreement that Johnny would spend the night.
I made a caesar salad, blackened pork chop with sweet potatoes fries and we drank a nice bottle of pinot noir. It was a nice romantic evening and everything was going great.
We had previously talked about wanting to watch House of Cards on Netflix which neither of us had seen, so we watched the first few episodes tonight while sitting on my couch. I had bought a bottle of Sambuca which was something we drank together at Paul Revere College and between each episode we took a shot. We had gotten more comfortable and by the third episode I lost interest because we were spooning each other and making out.
I had my hands underneath her shirt and was massaging her tits and Johnny had unbuckled my pants and started to stroke my penis through my underwear. Sex with Johnny had always been great and I was so excited to be with her again after all this time and could tell that Johnny was also plenty turned on.
Soon we were both naked and I was sitting on the couch, Johnny was on top of me with her arms wrapped around me while I was inside of her very moist pussy. I was just about to cum when suddenly I said “Oh Minka”.
I pulled out and immediately started apologizing. I became very upset and was actually crying in front of Johnny which just made things worse. Johnny was holding me and saying that it was all right and that it was not a big deal. I could not believe how understanding she was about it.
Eventually I went to sleep in my bed with Johnny feeling drunk, tired and depressed. At some point in the middle of the night, I woke up when I felt Johnny put her arms around me and whisper that we should try again. She was already naked and I was immediately turned on as she removed my boxers. As our bodies rubbed up against each other, I was incredibly turned on. We shared a passionate kiss as she put her hand on my cock and I started to finger her. She was extremely wet and my penis was quite erect as we began to fuck with Johnny on top. It took about two minutes for us both to loudly cum.
Afterward I told her how great I think she is and how much I want this to work. She told me that she is very happy we found each other again after all this time.
I never felt like I deserved Minka and now I feel the same way about Johnny. It is a mystery to me why Johnny would still want to be with me but I know that I need to sure make that I do not blow it with her.
June 2017 Johnny
Rebecca and I have talked a lot about Ryan and I, She thinks I should just google Minka’s obituary to find out what happened. I think that it would be prying and that it is not really important. If Ryan wants to tell me he will.
After discussing the relationship with Rebecca I decided that there are ways of looking at things that I have to follow in order to make it work with Ryan. I am not competing with Minka. I cannot dwell on the fact that they would be happily married if she was alive. I should focus on the present but also be sensitive to what Ryan went through. When Ryan called out Minka’s name while we were having sex, I knew immediately he felt terrible about it and I felt sorry for him more than anything else. I know he has been through hell.
I can be a mother like figure for Logan but it is important that he knows who his real mother is. I know we are taking a chance by being involved with each others kids if things do not work between us, but on the other hand I know that since meeting Ryan, it has been good for Liam and I think the same is true since I have been involved in Logan’s life. In addition, Liam and Logan get along well. Liam is too old to be friends with Logan. However, I think Logan looks up to Liam and Liam likes that someone treats him like he is a cool older kid.
July 2017 Ryan
I want so badly for things too work out with Johnny. I know that Minka would want me to find someone else that would make me happy and help raise Logan. If I died and Minka lived, I would certainly hope she found someone else. However, sometimes it is so difficult for me to try to be upbeat with Johnny. I still have these dark periods where I cannot think of anything other than the guilt that I have about what happened to Minka.
My therapist thinks that it is important that I discuss what happened to Minka with Johnny. He thinks that this will help me and that is is important for Johnny to know the complete story. I am sure he is right but it is going to be difficult.
August 2017 Johnny
A couple of weeks ago Ryan told Liam about going camping when he was around Liam’s age and hearing a swamp monster that was swimming in the middle of the night. I could see Liam’s eyes get really big and I told Ryan if he gets nightmares that I blaming him. However, Liam decided he wanted to go camping and see if he could see the swamp monster. He nagged me until I spoke to Ryan about going camping. Ryan thought it was a great idea and we just got back from a camping trip to find the swamp monster in the same park that Ryan went to when he was kid.
“I thought all you did when you were kid was sit on the couch and play video games.” I said to Ryan
“That was when I was teenager. When I younger I had to do what parents wanted and my father loved camping.”
It was extremely hot and not many people were in the park. I had never been camping and had not been looking forward to it, but I went because Liam really wanted to do it. However, we ended up having a great day. It really is remarkable how much the four of us seem like a family sometimes.
Ryan said if we stayed in a cabin it is not real camping so we reserved an area where we could sleep in two tents that Ryan had brought. During the day we rented a canoe and went out on the swamp. There was not much water in certain areas and we saw a number of alligators and snakes. The kids loved it and Ryan was much more comfortable in the outdoors than I would have thought. We also went for a long walk on the trails.
For dinner, Ryan started a fire and we cooked burgers and hot dogs. Afterward we roasted marshmallows and told ghost stories. We heard lots of sounds which the boys thought could be a swamp monster. They eventually fell asleep in their tent.
When we were sure the kids were asleep Ryan brought out a bottle of sambuca and we had a shot. We then went in our tent and cuddled for a few minutes before Ryan went off to pee. When he came back he suddenly started talking.
“Minka always had a lot of energy and she was a very positive person. She had a toughness and independence about her. She was great with kids and seemed to be born to be a mother. We talked about having a large family and we were thrilled when she got pregnant.
The pregnancy was normal and the birth was uneventful. However, when we brought Logan home, Minka was not herself. There were times that Minka wanted nothing to do with Logan. I had to go back to work after about a week and she begged me to stay home with her but there was nothing I could do.
I would do everything that I could, but I could not do everything, there are some things that a mother has to do. When Logan was a few weeks old, she decided to stop breastfeeding which is unusual considering she was a pediatric nurse and knew how important breastfeeding is at that age .
There were other times where Minka was herself and she would be so upset with herself for not being a better mother. We figured early on that it was some degree of postpartum depression but Minka came from a type of old fashioned background where getting help was a sign of weakness and she was very resistant to getting any kind of help. She convinced me it would go away on its own. She also was adamant that I not discuss it with her twin sister, Molly or the rest of the family. She tried to put on a happy face when others were around. I wanted it to get better and there were times when Minka was like her old self so I convinced myself it was improving.”
From the time that Ryan started talking, it was apparent to me where this was going and
I wanted to tell Ryan that he did not have to continue but I stayed silent.
“The original plan was that Minka would go back to work when Logan was two months old. We could only afford the house we bought less than a year earlier on both our salaries. However, when Logan was about four weeks old she decided that she did not to work anymore and wanted to sell the house. We put the house on the market and she quit her job, but the house was not selling and if we could not sell it soon, we were going to have financial problems. She was also still distant from Logan.
We had an awful fight one Saturday when Logan was about four months old. I never told Molly anything until she called me and asked what was wrong with Minka. Then I told her the truth. Minka was livid and accused me of being disloyal to her by discussing her problems with her sister. Molly lived in New York and had not seen any us since Logan had been two weeks old. Molly made plans to come see her sister first hand the following weekend when she could get away from work.
Later that evening Minka apologized and said she knew that she needed to get help. It was very hard for her and emotional. We stayed up that whole evening researching postpartum depression and finding a good doctor. We made an appointment to see a doctor on Wednesday.”
Ryan was crying and got choked up but continued.
“When I came home from work on Tuesday, Minka was dead in her car in the garage. She had killed herself by carbon monoxide poisoning.”
By this time I had tears rolling down my face as well. I rubbed Ryan back and said
“I don’t know what to say. I am so sorry for the three of you.”
For several hours, Ryan and I sat in the dark in the tent and we were mostly silent but neither of us slept.
I thought about the boy I was attracted at freshman orientation who was too shy to talk to me until we were brought together a few years later and how great the couple of months that we were lovers were, how happy he and Minka seemed the one time I spoke to him when they were engaged and then the nightmare that he had been put through.
Eventually Ryan looked over at me saw that I as still awake and said.
“There will always be at least a small part of me that will struggle with what happened to Minka and feel guilty that I did not do enough to help her. However, there is a bigger part of me that is ready to move forward and love you, raise a family and have a happy life together.”
My mouth was dry as I told Ryan that I loved him and we kissed. I never thought much about destiny before but I decided then that we belong together, that I wanted to help Ryan enjoy life again and raise our children together. I never felt closer to anyone than I felt to Ryan that night. For a few hours we fell into a deep sleep until we were awoken at dawn by two kids.
September 2017 Ryan
Today is Logan’s fourth birthday party. As we have for his three previous birthdays,we are having a party over my parent’s house. Like the previous birthdays my family, Minka’s family and some friends attend the party. As Logan gets older he has started to make his own friends as well. The big difference this year is that Johnny is here and it is the first time that Johnny will meet Minka’s family.
In the last month Johnny and I have grown closer. We are both deeply committed to each other at this point and Logan and I are planning to move in with Johnny and Liam in a couple weeks. We decided since Liam is already in school, it would be best for us to move in with them since we did not want Liam to have to change schools.
Despite my assurances that Minka’s family is very understanding and has encouraged me to date, I know Johnny is very nervous about meeting them and I understand that it will be weird for everyone. Since Minka died it is challenging to see Molly without thinking of Minka. They look and sound so much alike. However, today I am more focused on how Johnny and Molly get along. When I introduce Molly to Johnny and Liam, Molly and Johnny both smile warmly and shake hands.
The main event of the party is Gus the Clown who we hire to put on a show on the lawn outside Logan saw him at his friends party and talked about how great Gus was and it is a surprise for Logan that Gus is performing at his party. Gus is very good at making balloons into animals and is a big hit with kids.
As Gus is performing, I notice that Johnny and Molly are inside talking. They talk for a long time and hug each other at the end. Johnny would only later tell me that Molly assured her that she thought it was great that we were going out and that she was happy for us.
Johnny is thrilled and relieved that Hannah’s family were supportive of us. Logan loves Gus the Clown and has a great birthday party. Today is a really good day.
December 2017 Dr Anderson
I was so happy when Ryan started going out with Johnny. It has been such a struggle for Ryan since Minka died. I have always a soft spot for Johnny, who I think she is a special person and I know that she has not had an easy time herself since college.
Around the time of Logan’s birthday, I had a discussion with Johnny to make sure she knew what she was getting into. I came away from our talk confident that Johnny loved Ryan, that she knew the challenges that being with Ryan involve and that she was as committed as Ryan to making it work. I know how vulnerable Ryan is and don’t think he could handle it if Johnny broke his heart.
A couple of months ago Johnny started working at our practice a vet technician. I was immediately struck with how good she is with animals and what a shame it is that she never got a chance to finish vet school. I talked to Johnny about it and found that she had pretty much given us on the idea of going to vet school but I encouraged her to consider it. She is a natural and has a passion for caring for animals.
February 2016 Johnny
I can’t believe how great things have been lately. Since Ryan and Logan moved in with us things could not have been better .It was like we instantly became a family. With Ryan’s dog and two cats, it is a little crazy with four people, three dogs and four cats in the townhouse. However, all of us are very happy with the new arrangement. We have casually discussed getting married and it just a matter of time.
About the only thing we struggled with is what Logan calls me and what Liam calls Ryan. We just decided it is easier to just have them continue to call us by our first name.
When I was in college, I either was not honest with myself or I thought that it was more exciting because I was doing something I should not have been doing, but the sex with Ryan had always blown away sex with Hugh or anyone else. Since Ryan and I found each other again it is clear that we have incredible chemistry. I just want his his penis inside me all the time. When you have kids that means you are sacrificing sleep for sex but it is worth it.
Last year when I had my thirtieth birthday it was depressing to reach that age and to be single. What a difference a year makes. This year on my birthday Ryan and I went out for dinner to a Thai restaurant and then went home for cake with the kids. After blowing out candles and eating the cake I opened presents. I opened the smallest present last. It was a beautiful engagement ring. Ryan got down on one knee and asked me to marry him in front of Liam and Logan and I of course said yes.
That evening after the kids were to bed, Ryan was in the shower and I went in and surprised him. I took his hard dick and put it in my mouth with the water coming down on my back and then Ryan went down on me. I had goosebumps as he had his tongue between my legs. I then put my back to Ryan, leaned forward and faced the front of the shower as he entered me from behind. We both came loudly. I did not think that sex could get any better between us but somehow it did.
Afterward we talked about our wedding. We agreed that we wanted a small wedding with just family and good friends. We also agreed that there was no point in wasting much time. We wanted to get married quickly.
We barely slept that night. We had sex twice more and talked a lot about about our future. My friend Rebecca and her husband, Jerry are expecting a child in May, even though her daughter, Faith is twelve and Ryan shocked me when he asked if I wanted to have any more kids. With what happened to Minka I did not think Ryan would want another kid. I had Liam so many years ago and had not thought about having another child since. With Ryan’s mothers urging I had been considering going back to vet school. However, the more I thought about having a child with Ryan, the more I warmed up to it. I can always go back to vet school when this child starts school.
September 2016 Ryan
Today is Logan’s fifth birthday party. There is quite a crowd between Logan’s friends, Minka’s family, my family and Johnny’s family. Among the adults Johnny is in the middle of it all talking to everyone and making sure that everyone knows each other. She is about four months along and look beautiful with that pregnant glow. It is especially good to see Johnny and Molly together. They have become friends and communicate regularly.
From the day I met Minka I thought she was the love of my life. There is still a part of me that will never get over what happened to Minka and second guessing myself for not doing more to help her. However, I have learned in the last few years that it does no good to beat myself up about it. I cannot change what has happened. More importantly I have learned that you can love more than one person in your life. Perhaps if things were different, Minka and I would have grown old together and we would have had a happy life, but that is not what happened.
Johnny and I got married in March and continue to be quite happy. There was probably something there between us when we were in college but the timing was not right and we went our separate ways. Then when we met again a couple of year ago we had both been through a lot and we are lucky to have found each other again.