Confessions: I don’t know where the children learn, description: When I was 7 and my sister was 8 we had an experience together and it was the most terrible and traumatic experience of my life.
It started when my parents befriended another couple at my father’s place of business. The other couple also had a son and a daughter about our age.
I don’t know where these children learned the things they did, but it was obvious that they had learned about sex somewhere. What they knew was far from playing doctor or simple examination of each other’s genitals. My sister and myself knew nothing about any of this and it was all new and appeared to be just like another game. Eventually, we paired off. Me, with the other girl, and my sister with the other boy.
I remember taking my erect penis and sliding it up and down the girls’ small hairless vagina.
It was incredible! I realize now that I had an orgasm. Of course, there was no ejaculation, but just the same, I felt the immense tingling at the base of my abdomen that is a normal result of having an orgasm and cumming.
I was in heaven. Whenever these other two children came over, we would pair up the same way always.
I never asked my sister what happened with her, but I am sure it was probably similar activities. Well, one day I was at home (if memory serves) and me and my sister started to get it on. She told me that she didn’t want to, but I said that it would be fun. She said that mom and dad would get mad, but I ignored it and continued.
I basically did to her what I did with the other girl (just slide up and down). And I had an orgasm again.
It was very good.
I was a child, and all I knew is that I liked what I felt. There was no morality or taboo issues.
It just felt good and I didn’t know any better. One day, out of a naive and innocent idea that she thought she might get pregnant, my sister told my mom what was going on. My mom in turn told my father (the biggest mistake in my lifetime).
I remember my father ordering me into his room with my mother sitting on the other side of the bed. He pushed me on to the bed. The only question that I can remember him asking me is if I …put it in.
I quickly retorted out of fear no! I saw light, and heard an eerie brushing sound come from the side of my head. Then the pain. Then I opened my glassy eyes and saw his fist balled up with his education ring spearheading his hand. Over and Over. The pain was not the worst part.
It was the shame.
I don’t think that he knew that my sister and I had any sexual contact, but he told me that I was an animal and that what I was doing was disgusting.
I remember him saying, Now what am I going to tell those children’s parents? He blamed me, and so did I. Put yourself at that delicate mental age.
It crushed me. He was my idol, and I became less than nothing. Later on, after I had seen a psychologist, I realized that it was not my fault and that my sister and I were the victims of a mild form of molestation by children that were older than we were. To this day I still suffer the pain that was etched on my soul.
I still have erection problems with some women (which is really embarrassing) until I feel comfortable with them.
I think it is because in a way, I still feel that the act is innately bad. The point is, my incestuous experience was not a good one.
I’ll never recover and I still see that light and still feel the shame in one form or another (although you could never tell). Another collateral result was that, after that day, I distanced myself from my sister and was not the loving brother that I could have been. My father was an animal and shamed me and my sister many times after that (not sexually).
I wish I could have been there for her because she, as a young girl, was much more delicate than I.
I just felt that I was bad and should not touch her at all. For the most part, that has changed now. We are very good friends and get along very well. Sometimes life is not fair. We must protect each other when we can.